Get used to choices.

I have often had debating thoughts about whether arranged marriages or love marriages are better options. Our lecture on interpersonal communications gave me a reason to research a little about this issue and come to a conclusion. In the process of researching, I learnt a lot about arranged marriages and the fact that there were different types. For example, in a "forced marriage" the parents choose their son's or daughter's future spouse with no input from their son or daughter. Occasionally, even if the son or daughter disapproves of the choice, the marriage takes place regardless, overriding their objections. In a "child marriage" children, or even infants, are married. The married children often live apart with their respective families until well after puberty. Child marriages are typically made for economic or political reasons. Interesting?
I had a chat with my uncle and my grandfather a few weeks back, about marriage. My grandfather expressed his concerns about his grand children (my cousins and myself) getting married to partners of other cultures or races. Naturally, belonging to a younger generation, my uncle and I failed to understand his concern. I sat on the sofa and watched both of them exchange opposing views about this topic. My uncle felt the need for him to move on with times and to learn to except changes in society, while my grandfather felt the need to stick to traditions. His reasons for believing that arranged marriages were a better option included the following.
(1) Youngsters these days are too easily influenced by the effects of love to make logical choices.
In arranged marriages, many factors are considered in choosing the right partner. Some factors include
· Reputation of the family
· Religion
· Wealth and stability
· Horoscope
· Health (any pre-existing health problems?)
· Physical appearance (Boy should be taller than the girl, girl should be fair)
We see over here, how physical appearance plays a relatively important role in relational formation and development, and how judgments of physical attractiveness are influenced by cultural norms, especially in the early stages of relationships.
This ensures that potential problems that can arise in a marriage are already looked into. “This is why most arranged marriages are successful” He said.
My uncle however, felt that some were superficial factors that were considered in finding the right partner. He conformed to the idea of marrying someone you genuinely love and can get along with, provided he or she comes from a good family and that two can support each other and the family well enough.
(2) Couples and their parents may have more similar cultural and social backgrounds rather than that of their host country's culture.
He mentioned that inter-caste marriages weaken the caste system, which is generally not preferred. Noticing how unconvinced I was, he went on to explain to me that marriage does not only involve the union of two people, but also the union of two families. When backgrounds are similar, good interaction falls into place automatically. When two families have different values and practices, very often adapting to them becomes challenging. Take for example a family who practices vegetarianism and a family who doesn’t. Can you imagine having to give up meat for life in order to adapt to your new family?
This exchange continued till the two of them sipped their last bit of tea. I came across an interesting video online that captured the shift in perception about an ideal marriage, between two different generations. Have a look at it.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=arranged+marriage&search_type=&aq=0&oq=arranged
We see how the parents of the girl adhere to the traditional practice of arranged marriages or match-making. The video displays a typical “first meeting” between the girl and her husband-to-be. The families have done their background research about each other and are satisfied. Clearly, she does not know anything about him, other than his name. (Raju). We see how she centres herself between her parents, directly opposite the boy. However, the video then moves on to her grabbing a remote control and “choosing” the “channel” of her choice. This is a good representation of how the concept of arrange marriages are being adopted and altered. For instance, another point my grandfather raised when my uncle encouraged him to move on with times was that now, elders find a list of potential partners for their child to choose from. This means that the two are introduced to each other and they have the honour of deciding whether or not they would like to take this meeting to another level. The video then goes on to her finding her “Mr Right Guy”. My favourite part of the clip however, is the part where the girl’s mother grabs the remote and points to her husband. The video ends with the caption “Get used to choices”. This is particularly significant because it reinforces the idea of having to move on with times and adapt to the shifts in mentality.

I still haven’t made up my mind as to which I feel is better.